Guest Post: The Sexiest Pasta on Earth
Last day in Knoxville. My team and I are exhausted, but I think the trip has been successful so far. We'll see how things stand after we make it through the second day of the training session!
Since I'm still busy and won't be back in New York until late tonight, I've lined up one more guest blogger. Meet Sarah from Fritos and Foie Gras! (Isn't the name of her blog fabulous?) Sarah and I met at a press dinner not that long ago, and when I put the call out for guest bloggers on Twitter, she immediately responded. When you're finished reading her guest post here, make sure you hop on over to Sarah's blog to see what else she has to say!
Thanks so much for writing, Sarah!
WARNING: This post is not for Puritans, vegetarians, or children.
This post is for those of you who want to embrace life while you eat. For those who relish the innate, sensual experience that is eating. And, it is for those people who like the three basic food groups:
Bacon, Eggs, and Cream
Photo: Fritos and Foie Gras
That's right, bitches. We're making bastardized carbonara.
Get an onion. Dice it. (In case you want a little reminder on a great way to dice an onion, click here.)
Get, like, a bunch of bacon... Let's just say a whole packet. Dice it.
Photo: Fritos and Foie Gras
Throw both of them into a pot with a few good glugs of olive oil on medium-low heat to sloooooowly render the fat. The bacon will become crispy and golden, while the onions will become translucent and as sweet as honey.
Photo: Fritos and Foie Gras
Take the mixture out of the oil when the bacon is dark brown (NOT black) and the onions are light brown and caramelized. If there are a few black-ish onions, that's okay. They'll still taste divine.
Photo: Fritos and Foie Gras
If you are sitting next to someone right now and their mouth is not watering, THEN THEY ARE AN ANDROID! THEIR BODY HAS BEEN STOLEN. 'Cause this stuff is... it's just freakin' delicious.
I could stop right here.
But I won't.
While that mixture is resting, boil your pasta.
Photo: Fritos and Foie Gras
Use this pasta if you are totally indulgent with your food budget and still wear the same jeans that you wore in college so that you can justify spending clothes money on imported foodstuffs.
Photo: Fritos and Foie Gras
It has saffron and truffles in it. And it smells like angels and world peace. However, any old cheap-o pasta will be just as delicious in this sauce, too. So, don't worry.
While the pasta cooks, separate two eggs. That is, crack an egg, and, taking the two halves of the shell...
Photo: Fritos and Foie Gras
... flip the yolk back and forth a couple of times so the white falls out into a bowl beneath. (Don't forget to put the bowl underneath.)
Photo: Fritos and Foie Gras
Then, you're left with just the yolk, which you should dump into a different bowl.*
* But save those egg whites! You can turn them into meringues, souffles, omelettes, or an angel food cake! If you put them in an ice cube tray and freeze them, you can pop those whites out whenever you need them.*
Now, back to the food porn.
Photo: Fritos and Foie Gras
Photo: Fritos and Foie Gras
Pour a couple of tablespoons of HEAVY cream into the egg yolks. By "a couple," I mean try and stop yourself from emptying the full pint in there.
Photo: Fritos and Foie Gras
Sweet Cream. Velvety egg yolks. Your pulse should be quickening just at the thought of such a combo.
Photo: Fritos and Foie Gras
Now, throw in tons of black pepper and whip the whole mixture with a fork... Whip it good! ;)
Photo: Fritos and Foie Gras
By now, the pasta still has a teensy bit of bite in it. (It shouldn't be disintegrating in your mouth, because it'll continue to cook from residual heat for a couple of seconds after it comes off the stove.)
Photo: Fritos and Foie Gras
Pour the egg mixture into the drained pasta while furiously tossing the pasta so the eggs don't scramble.
Photo: Fritos and Foie Gras
The heat from the pasta will gently cook the eggs and cream into a slippery, luscious sauce.
Photo: Fritos and Foie Gras
Time for a decadent downpour of Pecorino Romano (it is a sheep's milk cheese that is very sharp and salty, but Parmesan would also work in a pinch). Throw in the bacon and onion mixture.
Photo: Fritos and Foie Gras
Oh, for Pete's sake.
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I mean, really...
Photo: Fritos and Foie Gras
Guys, this will get you the girl. Girls, this will get you the ring. Taylor Momsen, this will make you respectable again.
Photo: Daily.Mail.co.uk
Well, I guess not even bastardized pasta carbonara can solve every problem in the world.
Photo: Fritos and Foie Gras
Peas or asparagus would be great in this. A green salad with a light vinaigrette would be a wonderful addition. Raspberry sorbet with chocolate chips would be a simple yet decadent dessert.
But why bother?
Turn on the TV. Turn off your phone. Eat the creamy, salty, umami, meaty goodness that is this meal. Then, later, when your hot next door neighbor comes over to ask if you have a fan he/she can borrow, offer him/her some of the leftover pasta. Don't be surprised when he/she decides to linger a little longer then necessary. Just don't do anything I wouldn't do that first night!
And remember -- it isn't you who has these bewitching charms. You owe it all to the sexiest pasta on earth.